super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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