Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
