I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
