Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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