I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
