Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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