i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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