He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
