and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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