why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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