a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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