so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
you had me at cake vodka
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize