you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
