I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
