Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
