I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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