I think I am morally bankrupt
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
