I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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