He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Randomize
