I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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