Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize