I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
