My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
