i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He kissed a someone with a penis
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
