I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Randomize
