we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You need Xanax blowdarts
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
