the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
