I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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