I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
