So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
