he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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