im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
