she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
