yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
