Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Is it because I queefed?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
