wanna go halves on a baby?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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