Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Randomize
