New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
