google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
