Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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