So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Michael Bay diarrhea
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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