Just cropdusted the office
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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