Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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