i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
