She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
