So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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