Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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