I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
