from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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