some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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