I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
