they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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