C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
