I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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