I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
