If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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