i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i was born a porn star she said
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
