If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize