Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
