"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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