Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
