Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
