the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize