...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
