Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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