He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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