Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
