He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
