I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
