: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
