I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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