I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
