You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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