I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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